What's the difference between sex and porn? What makes us misunderstand sex?

1. The difference between sex and pornography

Sex this thing, has never been "difficult to climb the hall of elegance", prehistoric times there are a large number of sex-related rock paintings, sculptures and art works, and now the world famous and master movies, there is no shortage of praised, recorded in the history of human civilization sexual description and display.


However, we can clearly feel that nowadays people are somewhat ashamed when it comes to sex, and in the mass media and public communication, it seems that a lot of sexual content is strictly controlled. Some so-called "liberals" resent this, arguing that it suppresses human nature and freedom.

In fact, this kind of strict control is a good thing, because a lot of the so-called sex and freedom content that is wantonly popular is not sex in nature, but pornography, obscenity, which can indeed affect people's mind and body, corrupt morals, and induce people to commit crimes.


At this point, we get to the core question of the article: What is the difference between sex and pornography?


One of the reasons why we misunderstand pornography as representing good sex is that there is often a lot of sexual depiction and sexual themes in pornography - but this has nothing to do with real sex, because pornography often focuses on the physical response of sex and focuses on depicting this physical image, so as to stimulate the audience to produce sexual excitement. And bring satisfaction.


In the process, what is central and important about sex, and sex as a whole event, as a specific event between two people, is completely ignored and discarded.


Sex, is a stage of intimate relationship development, it is wonderful, not only because of sexual excitement and satisfaction, but also because two people in this process gradually shed their defenses, open the mind and body, many lovers of pleasure, in fact, more from this process, just stay together feel very excited very satisfied, sex is just a little splash.


A complete and wonderful sex is a very complex process where two people interact, have expectations, have a lot of communication, and then make adjustments, and then step by step break some boundaries with each other, and this process goes deeper and deeper, and happens naturally when the biology is ready.


To take an inappropriate example, the power of a car comes from the piston motion produced by the engine, but give you the piston of the engine of the car, can you drive the car? Or am I giving you a car? And all best porn does is give you the plunger.


In fact, the reason why sex is so wonderful is because in this process, you were accepted, you also accepted others, from small to large, suffered all kinds of cold and warm and social beatings, you are now actually such a person deeply loved, cherished, and completely open to you, at the same time, you also bring the other party this wonderful experience - in this two-way process, You feel wonderful, happy, excited.


This is why bought sex, or one-night stand to bring people often is very lost afterwards, you are not accepted, you do not accept others, even do not understand, you are after all a person with flesh and blood and feelings, you choose to ignore, but you can not really ignore, so it will be so low.

2 The Problem

However, in the current environment, it is really difficult to find someone who is willing, able, and has the time to build the kind of relationship I have described with you. Both of you need to have a good family education and school education, be upright, have patience, and have a stable income, but also need to not be brainwashed by consumerism and money worship, and have the greatest kindness and understanding of feelings even if you have been hurt...


I don't even have to go down the list, because that's a lot of people to brush off. And more importantly, in fact, many people are not so willing to develop this relationship even if they have the conditions, because they may be more willing to pursue careers, artistic achievements, hobbies, there are too many things in life that are not perfect, there is no need to find a more ideal relationship.


Some people have no conditions to pursue, some people have no mood to pursue, but no matter what, in the end, feelings become fast food, sex became fast food. Relationships and sex are like eating at a restaurant and ordering takeout, except you need to put some effort into getting your prey.


In recent years, the popularity of various fan methods and green tea methods is based on such a background, you know, the popularity of any thing, a product, and a concept is because it meets the needs of the vast majority of people.


The so-called fan male method is not emotional communication, not the operation of intimate relationships, but to create a boy rich and handsome, pleasing image, quickly get the girl's heart, and quickly get the girl to bed. The women who pay the bill are either ignorant, really stupid, or they are also holding the mentality of plunder and acquisition to invest.


The purpose of learning these things seems to be to gain the heart of "a certain person", but in fact it is to gain the heart of "more people". Of course, in nature's evolutionary elimination, most of the genes left behind are those of us who are fertile, but now, our problem is not just that.

3 Sticking Points

We can think about it carefully, why has sex always been so valued by human civilization? The great matter of reproduction is, of course, one of the reasons, but when you understand the logic I have said before, you will easily understand that sexual relationships, and the intimacy involved in sexual relationships, are an important part of human growth.


In a previous article on intimate relationships, I expressed the view that love is an adult affair. That is, you need to build yourself better in all aspects of psychology, economy, ability to do things, and have an independent personality, and you can talk about love when you don't need to fall in love.


You do not "need" a relationship to fill your self-confidence, you do not "need" a person to fill your loneliness, you choose to be with this person, completely because the other person is different from you, and deeply attracted to you, in the process of interacting with each other, you once the balance is broken, and then merge with each other, and in the end, you have formed a more inclusive and perfect self.


Therefore, the right understanding of sexual relationships, the right form of intimacy, and to practice it with a growth mindset, is the only way to become a better, more patient, more capable person.


The end result of throwing yourself into the arms of porn tube and consumerism is that you become less and less patient and increasingly use everything as a tool to satisfy your own desires. But the reality is that these things are just made by capital to empty your spirit and wallet and gadgets, and in the end, you will only become a tool of capital.